// NorthWest Bluezzz//
It can be really challenging for me to leave the house…for work and school it’s pretty easy, i think i mentally give myself no option and just GO! I went downtown last night and attended a local designer Fashion Show…I found myself laughing quite a bit, mostly at the absurdity of the seriousness of ‘things’. I got to thinking being isolated and doing art, watching movies and just being at home alot develops this feeling of not being in touch with the human race. I love humans, smelling them, feeling them, exchanging energy,conversation,goods,body fluids etc with them….. but i am realizing my own intolerance of myself is reflected in my relationships with other people. I know I am hardest on myself…I am a perfectionist which lends itself to successful tattooing (my present career) but in interpersonal contexts I think it leads me to be controlling, impatient and prone to spending time by myself. I guess I worry a bit about ending up alone -for good…I have been single for 11 years and haven’t had a healthy intimate relationship to speak of. I was married young and I think that may have been naively healthy . I don’t want to go to bars,the Fashion Show was in a bar..where do grown-ups go to play? Sometimes I just feel too imperfect and frozen to talk to people at concerts- I love seeing live music and dancing …I have an owl painting i did last spring and i realized it was a self-portrait of sorts, i am quiet watching and waiting hoping to make contact…..